Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
