Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
