went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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