hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
