The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
