Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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