You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
