I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Did I show you my penis last night?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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