half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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