He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize