no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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