we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize