she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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