Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize