I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
