Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need moral support for this bender
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
