You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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