The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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