She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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