I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
