So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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