Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
