You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
