I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
