he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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