lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
