You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
