This is not my ceiling
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
