Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
