I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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