this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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