Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
