and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
