i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
