tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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