Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
