your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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