I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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