I heard we made out
dude i'm inner monologue high
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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