the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
