Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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