Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
