ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
