i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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