There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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