i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
