When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
