im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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