On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
