I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
