You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
