He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
