i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
