I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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