FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
