And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
