the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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