Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
