it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
