He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
