Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
