im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
