in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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