I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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