please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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