so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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