i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
